Dick Cheney (who pronounces his last name “Chee Knee,” because he’s as dumb as “So-to-may-er“) denies he ever said that thing that he said so many times that a majority of the U.S. public believed that it was true  — long after it was unquestionably NOT true — and that gave his government cover to invade Iraq in the first place.

There are other claims made by this zombie public figure who will not retire quietly into his dank hole under a rock that may be causing a great deal of consternation for his counterpart in a parallel earth dimension. “Okay, if I’m supposed to be the Evil One,” he says, while stroking his goatee, “why is this guy stealing all of my material? I got nothing to work with here! I might start feeding orphans, instead of feeding ON them.”

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