Mooretoons http://mooretoons.com Comics and illustration portfolio of Kevin Moore Tue, 19 Sep 2017 16:58:42 +0000 en-US hourly 1 https://wordpress.org/?v=4.8.2 Medicare For All http://mooretoons.com/comic/fetch/medicare-for-all/ http://mooretoons.com/comic/fetch/medicare-for-all/#comments Tue, 19 Sep 2017 16:58:42 +0000 http://mooretoons.com/?post_type=comic&p=2678

When John Conyers, a representative from Michigan who has fought for the rights and betterment of American citizens for decades, introduced a bill to create a single payer health care system last January, few people paid attention. He got the[…]↓ Read the rest of this entry...]]>

When John Conyers, a representative from Michigan who has fought for the rights and betterment of American citizens for decades, introduced a bill to create a single payer health care system last January, few people paid attention. He got the support of 171 of his colleagues in the House, but, as is often the case with federal legislation, it took a cosponsor in the Senate to get the bill noticed. And that’s where the politics gets interesting. The cosponsor was Bernie Sanders; despite his popularity among a large faction of Democrats, this sponsorship alone wasn’t enough. I think the ball really got rolling when Sen. Kamala Harris of California announced her support of Sanders’ bill a couple weeks ago. No doubt this reflected months of back channel discussions between Sanders and Harris aids, and as more Senate colleagues came on board, it looks like a coordinated effort. Now the list of supporters includes Cory Booker, Al Franken, Elizabeth Warren, Jeff Merkeley — eventually garnering 15 senators in all. There are a few likely presidential candidates in that mix, so their appearance and highly publicized press event promoting Medicare For All has long term significance.

So about that “ball rolling.” Where is it really going? I don’t get my hopes up much these days, because like Sara the Single Payer Cat appearing in this strip, I’ve seen a lot of hopes crushed by compromise and, well, the 2016 election. I’m glad there are politically powerful Democrats willing to make a push for single payer nowadays, and it probably took the repeal-and-replace debacle that provoked public outrage over defunding Medicare to make universal health care a feasible political position. I am very wary. Mildly hopeful? This is why Sara drinks.

 
↓ Transcript
Fetch and Sara the Single Payer Cat watch Bernie Sanders on TV.

Sanders: MEDICARE-FOR-ALL WILL SAVE BILLIONS OF DOLLARS AND MILLIONS OF LIVES.
Fetch: IS HE FOR REAL?
Sara: OH GOD. I'VE SEEN SO MANY HOPES CRUSHED.

Sara: IT WON'T PASS THIS CONGRESS OR PRESIDENT. MAYBE SOMEONE WILL RUN ON IT IN 2020.
Fetch: MAYBE! THEN WHAT?

Sara: THEN A UNITED DEMOCRATIC GOVERNMENT WILL FINALLY SUPPORT UNIVERSAL HEALTH CARE.
Fetch: REALLY? WOW. LET'S GO OUTSIDE.

Fetch kneels and places a football upright on the ground.

Fetch: TRY TO KICK THIS FOOTBALL.
Sara: OH GOD! NOT AGAIN!

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Dreamers http://mooretoons.com/comic/fetch/dreamers/ http://mooretoons.com/comic/fetch/dreamers/#respond Tue, 12 Sep 2017 14:18:44 +0000 http://mooretoons.com/?post_type=comic&p=2676

Last week, between hurricanes, the president and the attorney general of the United States decided now was a good time to threaten the already precarious lives of immigrants who were brought to the US when they were children. The president[…]↓ Read the rest of this entry...]]>

Last week, between hurricanes, the president and the attorney general of the United States decided now was a good time to threaten the already precarious lives of immigrants who were brought to the US when they were children. The president gave Congress a six month window of time to revise the Deferred Action for Childhood Arrivals program with the implied threat he would kill the thing; the attorney general decided to just shoot it in the head.

Trump and Sessions are racists with a white supremacist and anti-immigrant agenda. I think that was pretty obvious years ago; in case policies targeting Muslims and immigrants or implied support for Nazis and Klansmen wasn’t clear enough, perhaps going after 800,000 people who were raised since childhood to be Americans will settle the matter.

TBH I just want to kick the two assholes into the desert without food or water and let them fend for themselves.

↓ Transcript
Jeff Sessions and Donald Trump sit in the desert.

Sessions: UM...MR. TRUMP, WHERE ARE WE? AND WHY ARE WE IN DIAPERS?
Trump: YOU TELL ME, BEAUREGARD. THIS IS YOUR KINK, NOT MINE.

Fetch appears.

Fetch: WELCOME, GENTLEMEN, TO YOUR NEW LIVES AS UNDOCUMENTED CHILD IMMIGRANTS!

Fetch: I'LL BE YOUR "PARENT" FOR THIS JOURNEY IN TO THE MORAL IMAGINATION.
Trump: WHAT'S HE TALKING ABOUT?
Sessions: "EMPATHY"
Trump: EEW!

Fetch: WE HAVE JUST CROSSED THE RIO GRANDE. IN A MOMENT A COYOTE WILL TAKE YOU TO A SMALL TOWN WHERE YOU'LL BE RAISED IN A CULTURE TOTALLY DIFFERENT FROM YOUR NATIVE ONE.

Fetch: YOU'LL KNOW ONLY THE VALUES AND SPEAK ONLY THE LANGUAGE OF YOUR ADOPTED COUNTRY. ALL YOUR FRIENDS AND FUTURE PROSPECTS WILL BE HERE.
Trump: SO WHAT? I'M ALREADY A REAL AMERICAN!
Sessions: GOD BLESS.

Fetch: THIS ISN'T THE U.S. — IT'S MEXICO.
Trump: DON'T I GOT A BEAUTIFUL RESORT HERE?
Sessions: YOU ABANDONED IT, SIR.
Trump: CRAP.
Sessions: THERE WAS FRAUD, A LAWSUIT...
Trump: SHUT UP, JEFF.

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Back2School http://mooretoons.com/comic/fetch/back2school/ http://mooretoons.com/comic/fetch/back2school/#respond Tue, 05 Sep 2017 22:04:00 +0000 http://mooretoons.com/?post_type=comic&p=2661

For the record, allusions to the Prussian model of education are really a shorthand for the many shortcomings imposed on public education, and risk a lot of ahistorical easythink when approaching those problems. Audrey Waters argues in The Invented History[…]↓ Read the rest of this entry...]]>

For the record, allusions to the Prussian model of education are really a shorthand for the many shortcomings imposed on public education, and risk a lot of ahistorical easythink when approaching those problems. Audrey Waters argues in The Invented History of “The Prussian Model of Education” that the Prussians were actually more interested, contemporary with the Glasgow system, in developing the “whole nature of the child, instead of the mere head.” How the Prussians took the blame for deficiencies that edutechnologists, libertarians, and home schoolers on the left and right have identified in public schooling, I dunno.

Poor Prussians. We tore you apart after WWI and then blame you for all our troubles.

The summer passed by like a mayfly and my son returns to school with zero enthusiasm. I don’t blame him. Two sets of lyrics from Bob Dylan enter my head as I think about why:

I try my best to be just like I am,
but everybody wants you to be just like them.
They sing while you slave and I just get bored….

And:

Twenty years of schoolin’ and they put you on the day shift.

Ironically, I work as a community college librarian, so you’d think I’d be gung-ho about public education. Well, I support the concept. I have always believed that education and health care were essential public goods we should invest in. Yet it would be foolish to accept uncritically the means by which we implement this charge. Education is inherently political, not only in what we teach, but in how we teach it, and to what ends. What I have witnessed as a student and as an educator over the decades is both improvement in addressing the needs of students facing learning, cognitive, and social challenges (e.g., autism, ADHD, poverty), while failing them at so many levels of policymaking.  NCLB, Common Core, Race-to-the-Top, school vouchers, charter schools — many well-intentioned yet very misconstrued efforts to hammer children into the workforce corporations desire. At the ground level it only serves to perpetuate the same old ableist, classist, racist bullshit.

*rays of sunshine*

↓ Transcript
Kevin and Fetch drop Kevin's son off at school.

Kevin: HAVE A GOOD DAY AT SCHOOL!
Son: NOT LIKELY.

Fetch: I SENSE YOUR SPAWN FAILS TO VALUE THE PRUSSIAN SYSTEM OF WORKPLACE SOCIALIZATION.
Kevin: Y'THINK?

Kevin and Fetch pull into the drive-thru of a notorious coffee-obsessed fast food chain.

Kevin: THEY DON'T DESIGN SCHOOL FOR KIDS WITH SPECIAL NEEDS. OR LEARNING DISABILITIES. OR GIFTEDNESS. OR...
Fetch: IF WE DON'T ALIENATE THE WEIRDOS, THEY'LL INFECT THE OTHER CHILDREN.

Kevin: BUT IT'S NOT LIKE THE "NORMAL" KIDS ARE HAPPY TO TAKE STANDARDIZED TESTS.
Fetch: BUT IT PREPARES THEM FOR THE "REAL WORLD" OF POINTLESS DRUDGERY.

Barista: SPEAKING OF WHICH, HERE IS YOUR NON-FAT PUMPKIN SPICE.
Fetch: SEE? PROPERLY ALIENATED!

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Promotion http://mooretoons.com/comic/fetch/promotion/ http://mooretoons.com/comic/fetch/promotion/#comments Wed, 30 Aug 2017 17:45:20 +0000 http://mooretoons.com/?post_type=comic&p=2658

I have been creating webcomics for 15 (16? 17? I lose track) years now, but I have never figured out how to make a living at it. I have friends who do: some do very well, while others live as[…]↓ Read the rest of this entry...]]>

I have been creating webcomics for 15 (16? 17? I lose track) years now, but I have never figured out how to make a living at it. I have friends who do: some do very well, while others live as cheaply as possible. At some point all of them have to get a day job for at least a few months to pay bills. Having kids and student loans and debt and stuff, I have two day jobs as a part-time librarian while taking in freelance illustration work as supplemental income. Most of the money I have made through online comics has been through The Nib or Fusion (now Splinter) and other publishers. But if I had to subsist on what I make on webcomics alone, I would be in debtor’s prison.

Which sounds more whiny than I intend. It’s just the way it is. Sometimes I think it’s funny, hence this week’s cartoon. The business of webcomics is like much else in online content creation: you post and hope somehow money will come thru ads or merchandise. As someone who grew up when print was the dominant media, this model is truly strange. Back then, cartoonists made a living through syndicating their work through national syndicates like United Media, or self-syndicated through alternative weeklies, or were hired as staff cartoonists by a local paper. There was also illustration for magazine and advertising. Indeed, cartoonists still make a living this way, but back then the pay rates were pretty great, and there were many more positions available. It was competitive, but the print industry was also healthy. The Internet changed all of that completely almost 20 years ago. The new model feels more like busking on the streets with a hat out for spare change.

↓ Transcript
Fetch approaches Kevin, who is reading.

Fetch: THE CHIMP WANTS TO TALK TO YOU.
Kevin: IS HE STILL MASTURBATING?
Fetch: HE'S JU-U-UST ABOUT FINISHED.... NOW!

Chimp: AS YOUR SOCIAL MEDIA ADVISER, I FOUND 35 SITES AND APPS WHERE YOU SHOULD POST NEW, FREE CONTENT AT LEAST FIVE TIMES A DAY.
Chimp hands Kevin a report titled "PROMOTE YOURSELF, DUMBASS by Chimp"

Kevin: FREE? WTF? THAT'S A LOT OF WORK. WHEN DO I GET PAID?
Chimp: AFTER YOU BUILD YOUR BRAND. YOU CAN PARLAY THAT INTO T-SHIRTS AND COFFEE CUPS. MAYBE BOOKS.

Kevin: THAT'S MORE WORK. WHEN DO I GET PAID FOR THE CONTENT I CREATED?
Chimp: YOU DON'T. THAT STUFF IS WHAT WE CALL A "LOSS LEADER."

Kevin: SO FAR I LEAD IN LOSSES.
Chimp: OOOH! PUT THAT ON A SHIRT!


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Statues http://mooretoons.com/comic/fetch/statues/ http://mooretoons.com/comic/fetch/statues/#comments Tue, 22 Aug 2017 14:37:09 +0000 http://mooretoons.com/?post_type=comic&p=2654

If you have not watched the Vice documentary of the white supremacist rally in Charlottesville, NC, I recommend doing so with a shot of whiskey and a box of tissues. It’s disturbing, gut-wrenching, and angry-making. The silver lining is that[…]↓ Read the rest of this entry...]]>

If you have not watched the Vice documentary of the white supremacist rally in Charlottesville, NC, I recommend doing so with a shot of whiskey and a box of tissues. It’s disturbing, gut-wrenching, and angry-making.

The silver lining is that public revulsion at the events there and at the presidipshit’s statements of false equivalence between racists and anti-racists, more statues are coming down, students are demanding more action by universities to increase diversity and dismantle white supremacy, and “pro-Trump” rallies in 36 states have been cancelled.

↓ Transcript
Fetch eats an apple while a Nazi hides in a garbage can in an alley.

Fetch: AREN'T YOU A BRAVE LIL' NAZI....
Nazi: IT'S NOT SAFE! ANTIFA! THE JEWS! MEDIA STOOGES! EVEN THE COPS!

Fetch: WHAT HAPPENED TO ALL YOUR TOUGH TALK? WHERE THE FIGHTING SPIRIT OF THE "SUPERIOR RACE"?
Nazi: I THINK I UNLOADED IT IN MY PANTS....

Fetch: Y'KNOW ... AS A DEMON, I HAVE THE POWER TO TRANSFER YOUR SOULD SOMEWHERE SAFER.
Nazi: OH, PLEASE! PLEASE!!!

Sound effect: KAZAM
Nazi discovers his soul stuck in a statue of a Confederate soldier.
Nazi: WHAT?

A crowd of protesters knocks the statue over, kicking it. Fetch joins them.

Protesters: HEY HEY! HO HO! RACIST STATUES GOT TO GO!
Fetch: HEY! LET'S MELT IT DOWN!
Nazi: OH, DEAR.

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Fallout http://mooretoons.com/comic/fetch/fallout/ http://mooretoons.com/comic/fetch/fallout/#respond Tue, 15 Aug 2017 14:24:16 +0000 http://mooretoons.com/?post_type=comic&p=2651

The good news is that this week’s Fetch is less relevant than it was last week, when Kim Jong-un was threatening to nuke Guam and Donald Trump was goading him on with “tough guy” talk. How great was the actual[…]↓ Read the rest of this entry...]]>

The good news is that this week’s Fetch is less relevant than it was last week, when Kim Jong-un was threatening to nuke Guam and Donald Trump was goading him on with “tough guy” talk. How great was the actual risk North Korea would fire a nuclear weapon at the US or anywhere else? About as much as it remains. Today Kim Jong-un has backed down. But he will stick his chest out again eventually. The diehards in Trumpistan will argue that this proves the president’s bluster was effective in calling the North Korean bluff. Actually, it began as bluff, and has been bluff all along. What Trump did was ratchet up the tensions, put everyone on edge, and relied on Kim Jong-un to choose the rational course. Yet in the end North Korea has demonstrated that it has the plans and the will to bring death and destruction to hundreds of thousands of people. Trump has shown he is willing to push a rival nuclear power right up to the edge. And in the end, his oneupmanship has done nothing to actually disarm North Korea.

I finished this cartoon on Sunday morning and posted it to Patreon for my subscribers. (You can be one, too!) Over the weekend a Nazi white supremacist drove his car into a crowd of counter protestors opposing the gathering of white supremacists in Charlottesville, VA, killing a woman, Heather Heyer, and seriously injuring 39 others. In response to this violence, Trump was quick to blame “many sides” but it took three days for him to confront and name the hate groups that vocally support him and march in his name. After much pressure, he finally stepped up, but it was disingenuous, given that he shortly revealed he is considering granting a pardon to the extreme racist Joe Arpaio. Trump is a white supremacist, a fascist, and should never have been allowed by one of the two-party system’s major players to have gotten a nomination for president, let alone stepped into the office. A total disgrace.

Speaking of responses, people who are using the death of Heather Heyer, a Bernie Sanders supporter, to score political points against Sanders and his supporters should stop. For crying out loud. The DSA, antifa, and other groups of the Left showed up to confront Nazis. Not one of them reached out to create some “alt-right/alt-left” coalition. I really wish the Clintonistas and Sanders-Bros would keep their shit-talking out of this.

Good news: Deandre Harris has raised more than double what he needed for medical expenses. Best of wishes to him.

↓ Transcript
Kevin hides in a fallout shelter.

Fetch: YOO HOO! ALL CLEAR! YOU CAN COME OUT NOW!
Kevin: NO, THANK YOU.

Kevin: I HAVE PROVISIONS TO LAST 30 YEARS: HAZMAT SUITS, FOOD, RADIATION SICKNESS PILLS, WATER, ALL 9 SEASONS OF INSPECTOR LEWIS ... I'M GOOD.
Fetch: OH, COME NOW.

Fetch: YOU CAN'T LET NUCLEAR BRINKMANSHIP BY TWO EGOTISTS SCARE YOU AWAY FROM THE JOYS OF LIFE.
Kevin: WELL... OKAY....

A mutant appears

Mutant: HI. DINNER READY? THE MUTIES ARE GETTING "HANGRY".
Fetch: SHHHHH! ALMOST!

Kevin: WHAT WAS THAT?
Fetch: NOTHING! WE'RE HAVE A BAR-B-QUE. C'MON OUT!
Mutant: OOOOOH, BBQ!

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Principles http://mooretoons.com/comic/fetch/principles/ http://mooretoons.com/comic/fetch/principles/#comments Tue, 08 Aug 2017 17:27:59 +0000 http://mooretoons.com/?post_type=comic&p=2647

It’s true. I spend too much time on Twitter these days. Like most cartoonists and other creative types, I use it to promote my work and connect with other artists, as well as folks I share interests with. Politics is[…]↓ Read the rest of this entry...]]>

It’s true. I spend too much time on Twitter these days. Like most cartoonists and other creative types, I use it to promote my work and connect with other artists, as well as folks I share interests with. Politics is one of those interests, of course. And so I get sucked into debates that are just not healthy and honestly kinda pointless. I have been working on keeping out of them, but sometimes I let my indignation or anger get the best of me. This cartoon illustrates the consequences.

↓ Transcript
Kevin sits at his computer, mulling.
Kevin: HM. RIGHT WING TWITTER IS MAD ABOUT SOMETHING I CARE ABOUT.
Fetch: OKAY. SO HOW MUCH DO YOU HATE YOURSELF?

Kevin: BUT THEY'RE ASSAULTING THE VERY PRINCIPLES I HOLD DEAR! I MUST RISE TO THEIR DEFENSE!
Fetch: I WOULDN'T DO THAT...

The computer comes alive with the rage of right wing trolls.
Computer: LIBTARD SNOWFLAKE! ARE YOU TRIGGERED? #MAGA #MAGA #MAGA

A priest arrives.
Priest: DID SOMEONE CALL A PRIEST?
Kevin: YES. PLEASE HURRY.

The computer is strapped to a bed, screaming emojis favored by right wing Twitter users.

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Poverty http://mooretoons.com/comic/fetch/poverty/ http://mooretoons.com/comic/fetch/poverty/#respond Tue, 01 Aug 2017 15:11:36 +0000 http://mooretoons.com/?post_type=comic&p=2644

When my GF saw this, she said, “Wow, your brain weasels are worse than mine.” This year has been really rough financially for me. Despite a middle class income, I find it more and more difficult to get by in[…]↓ Read the rest of this entry...]]>

When my GF saw this, she said, “Wow, your brain weasels are worse than mine.”

This year has been really rough financially for me. Despite a middle class income, I find it more and more difficult to get by in a growing city like Portland. And I know I am not alone. Everyone one in my social circle is struggling much more than they used to, regardless of their middle class or poverty status. More people are losing their homes due to rent increases, finding themselves on the street. This is not a tolerable situation and deserves a concerted socially mobilized solution. Not the usual “there but for the grace of God go I” sentimentality.

↓ Transcript
Kevin looks at his bills while Fetch sits atop a stack of them.

Kevin: COOL. IF I DON'T EAT OR REFILL MY MEDS, I WILL HAVE $24 AFTER I PAY MY BILLS THIS MONTH.
Fetch: TIME TO SHAKE SOME TAIL!

Kevin looks out window at man collecting cans from a recycling bin.

Kevin: I GUESS IT COULD BE WORSE. I COULD BE ON THE STREET, SCROUNGING FOR BOTTLE RETURNS.
Fetch: THAT'S THE SPIRIT!

Fetch: MAKE YOURSELF FEEL BETTER VIA COMPARISONS TO PEOPLE MORE OPPRESSED THAN YOU!
Kevin: WHAT? NO! I-
Fetch: SHALL WE GO TO WAL-MART AND MOCK THE FASHION CHOICES OF THE POOR?
Kevin: AUGH! NO!

Fetch sits on Kevin's chest.

Fetch: HAHAHAHAHA! I LOVE MESSING WITH YOUR GUILT!
Kevin: GET OUT OF MY HEAD.

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Probe http://mooretoons.com/comic/fetch/probe/ http://mooretoons.com/comic/fetch/probe/#respond Tue, 25 Jul 2017 14:17:22 +0000 http://mooretoons.com/?post_type=comic&p=2641

Keeping up with recent events related to the TrumpAdmin’s Russia problems has been difficult lately. I started with a response to Trump’s creepy barely-veiled threat to fire Robert Mueller if he dared to investigate Trump family finances (Mueller went ahead[…]↓ Read the rest of this entry...]]>

Keeping up with recent events related to the TrumpAdmin’s Russia problems has been difficult lately. I started with a response to Trump’s creepy barely-veiled threat to fire Robert Mueller if he dared to investigate Trump family finances (Mueller went ahead anyway, because “don’t look in the trunk, officer” is never a wise thing to say to a cop), and kept my eye on Sessions to see if he’d quit after Trump insulted him to the NY Times. 

But then by the time I got to the fourth panel of this cartoon in my sketchbook, Spicer decided to jump ship due to humiliations in the White House communications department. (No, that isn’t Scaramucci in the first panel, but damn well could be.) 

By the time I got to coloring this thing, word came out that Sessions had, in fact (no surprise, really) discussed campaign matters with Sergey Kislyak (who, coincidentally, just decided to retire home to Russia).

Tomorrow I expect Sessions will be found in the trunk of an abandoned car, or resign by the end of the week — or who knows? Maybe he’ll stay on, and Jared and Ivanka will push Don, Jr. out of an airplane. In my mind, the future movie about these events will be directed by Brian DePalma.

↓ Transcript
A goon dunks a man's head in a toilet and bends the man's arm behind his back, while Jeff Sessions watches.

Goon: THE FINANCES OF THE TRUMP FAMILY ARE OFF LIMITS, CAPICHE?
Sessions: THAT'S ENOUGH, MUGSY.

Fetch appears.

Fetch: HOW GOES THE RUSSIA PROBE, JEFF? TALK TO KISLYAK LATELY?
Sessions: I, UH, RECUSED MYSELF.

Fetch: I HEAR THAT MAY HAVE BEEN A POOR CHOICE.
Sessions: I DON'T HAVE TIME FOR THIS! I HAVE POTHEAD CANCER PATIENTS TO JAIL, CHILDREN TO DEPORT! I HAVE SO MANY VOTES TO SUPPRESS!

Sean Spicer appears.

Spicer: OR A LETTER OF RESIGNATION TO TENDER, YA WUSS!
Sessions: I DON'T COTTON TO TRAITORS, SEAN!

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Climate http://mooretoons.com/comic/fetch/climate/ http://mooretoons.com/comic/fetch/climate/#comments Tue, 18 Jul 2017 14:24:46 +0000 http://mooretoons.com/?post_type=comic&p=2636

This week the Larsen B ice shelf sloughed off the coast of Antartica, generating headlines proclaiming it the size of two Lake Eries, two Luxembourgs, Delaware, or whatever point of reference a target audience could recognize. At first it seemed[…]↓ Read the rest of this entry...]]>

This week the Larsen B ice shelf sloughed off the coast of Antartica, generating headlines proclaiming it the size of two Lake Eries, two Luxembourgs, Delaware, or whatever point of reference a target audience could recognize. At first it seemed alarming, given all of the other catastrophic climate change news, until scientists pointed out that such phenomena, known as “calving” are part of natural processes. Which is not to say global warming might not be a contributing factor, but not unto itself, and thus this new ice berg is not a cause for alarm. In fact, it won’t even add anything to sea levels, because the volume is already accounted for. Check out Scientific American for the more complex picture.The other big news is a recent report that human overpopulation and consumption of resources, along with global warming, is driving a six mass extinction on par with previous extinctions in the planet’s history. The scientists who wrote the paper call it “biological annihiliation,” because their findings are so alarming. “The situation has become so bad it would not be ethical not to use strong language.” Good on them.

Anyway, this and that article in New York Magazine about climate change in general really put the antics of Republicans in Washington in an even more petty light than they have seemed to occupy. Why do we vote for such terrible people?

↓ Transcript
Fetch and a penguin ride a giant iceberg in Antartica.

Fetch: WOO-HOO! NICE ICEBERG!
Penguin: YUP. IT'S AS BIG AS DELAWARE – OR TWO LUXEMBOURGS.

Fetch: CLIMATE CHANGE?
Penguin: MAYBE? CALVING IS PRETTY NORMAL. BUT IF YOU WANT A REAL SCARE –

Penguin holds up a chart showing that human population increase has driven species decline.

Penguin: CHECK OUT THIS MASS EXTINCTION!
Fetch: HOLY BIO-ANNIHILIATION!

A sea lion shows up.

Sea lion: FAKE NEWS! HOAX!
Penguin: NO ONE ASKED YOU, SHARON!

Fetch: YOU CAN'T ESCAPE THOSE GUYS.
Penguin: THEY'LL BE THE DEATH OF US ALL.

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