I am so glad I signed up for the OneNewsNow daily newsletter. It’s like getting a daily chuckle in my e-mail, only from your crazy right-wing religious uncle who fears Muslims, Arabs and Teh Gayz. And he’s not at all in on the joke.

For example, take this headline: ‘God’ – the new four-letter word in public schools.

Perhaps they mean “Godd.” Or “Gawd.” Or “G-man.”

You totally know where this article is going — a litany of whinging about the exclusion of religious indoctrination from public school curricula. No posting of the Ten Commandments, no teaching Intelligent Design in biology class, no Christmas pageants, no prayer or moment of silence or whatever. Actually, the fundy-du-jour John Whitehead, a “Christian attorney” (as opposed to those godless shysters at the ACLU) does not tick those issues off, but they are in the background to such grandiose pronouncements as this:

The issue, according to the attorney, is not separation of church and state — an argument frequently cited by those who assume the secular viewpoint. “The issue in such instances is the religious believer versus the secular state,” he writes. “It is also a denial of everything this country stands for in terms of the freedoms of speech, religion, and a respect for moral tradition.”Whitehead believes that what exists now in America is akin to the old Soviet Union and China, where it is religious believers fending off the state.

Yes, it is EXACTLY like that. Have you not seen the lines of evangelical clergy rounded up and carted away in black vans to trains bound for gulags and labor camps? Man, one month into the Presidency, and the socialist caliphate is in full swing!

All irony aside, here’s an alternate link to the etymology of the word “shyster,” disputing its anti-semitic origins. Interesting history, but I feel the word is often employed with anti-semitic intent, often against attorneys for the American Civil Liberties Union — which, it should be noted, employs lawyers from a wide range of religious and non-religious beliefs.

At any rate, I used it to reflect on the rather presumptuous identification of Whitehead as a “Christian attorney.” What is that — marketing? Like the “Christian supply” store near my house? (Just in case I ever run out of Christians.) Look — my toothbrush is bona fide Christian! It’s got a pithy quote from scripture! Now my teeth will be super shiny clean — and saved!

Spread the joy: